Parenting…the never-ending journey

I’ve been thinking the last few days about what I thought I knew about parenting (before I became one) and what I’ve learned in the many years since.

I think what I was most surprised about is that parenting is a never-ending journey. I figured that once my kid(s) reached maturity (somewhere around 22 or so), they would be on their own–either married or leading a successful single life–and then I could just sit back, wait for grandkids (that I could spoil), and relax. Doesn’t happen that way!

When the kids are little, your parenting involves helping them learn…and part of that includes helping them learn how not to get into trouble or get hurt (hopefully). It’s a challenging time, but it’s also fun watching them try to make sense of this world around them.

Then they become teenagers–and everything changes! You still want to help them stay out of trouble, but sometimes they have to learn things the hard way. So you keep your fingers crossed…pray a lot…and hope that they’ll actually survive to adulthood. It’s far more stressful than when they’re little because they tend not to be as willing to listen to the wisdom you would so much like to share….and while you can see that some of their choices will be things they’ll regret later in life, they don’t.

Eventually they reach maturity. They’ve gotten through college or other training…have found someone to love and are entering the adult world. Finally–you can relax! Not so fast…now your worries include whether they’ll find a job that will pay enough for them to pay their bills (and whether it will be a fulfilling one). You worry about their budgeting (or lack thereof)…their decisions about renting/buying…whether they will stay close or move a distance away… But you can’t do anything about all of that…you just have to let them go–but you still worry about and for them.

Then grandkids come. They’re a delight! But then the journey takes new directions. Sometimes–especially if you do a lot of the babysitting–you want to do things differently from the way their parents do, but you realize that they’re not your kids and you need to support the parents. Okay…you can deal with that.

As the grandkids grow, they also sometimes struggle with making wise choices–and you struggle as well. Your heart sometimes aches when you see them making decisions that they will regret down the road. But your role is different now. Sometimes the grandkids are more willing to listen to advice from you than from their parents…sometimes you are simply a safe place for them.

But the journey never ends. Once you have a child, you begin a never-ending journey. Yes, sometimes you would like to get off the train…to not be concerned about the kids/grandkids/great grandkids and their decisions and choices. But unless you completely cut ties, that’s not going to happen–and cutting those ties so completely carries with it its own worries and challenges.

Every stage of parenting has challenges…but it also has joys…never-ending

It’s not only children who grow. Parents do, too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. —Joyce Maynard

The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them. They don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are. —Jim Henson

Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. —Robert Fulghum

 

Advertisements

The Bible says… (part 2)

I’ve been thinking about what I think the Bible says…and realized that in some ways it was incomplete.

What I said there is still very definitely my belief, but sometimes people end up asking, “Well, then, what do you believe the Bible says? My response in the last post was this:

God loves us–completely and fully. All God asks in return is that we love God…and our neighbors.

Obviously that’s my paraphrase…and that doesn’t satisfy some who want specific words–words from the Bible. Okay, I can understand that.

So…as I’ve listened to the debates and political “discourse” (although I’m not sure it’s been discourse as much as it’s been seeing who can yell loud enough to get their points heard), these are the words from the Bible that I believe are what the Bible says to us today. They come from the NRSV version (emphasis added by me):

Matthew 22:36-40

“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

Matthew 25:31-45:

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’ Then he will say to those at his left hand, ‘You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?’ Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’”