Choices

Choices…decisions…can sometimes be easy. But they can also be extremely difficult–that’s something I’m wrestling with right now…and makes my emotions a little fragile!

My workplace has undergone significant changes over the last three years, due to a combination of several factors. There was a need to do some redesigning, coupled with economic conditions that mandated a number of layoffs. I was caught in the middle–lost a job, but was fortunate in being able to find another (in the same place).

We’re undergoing another downsizing–this time, primarily due to the economy. I don’t know how secure my job is…reasonably so, I think–but then, I thought that last time as well!

Yesterday there was a position posting for a job that I’m debating. One moment I’m going to go for it…the next I’m not so sure.

There are just so many unanswered questions! Some I could ask in the interview…some won’t be known until after folks take voluntary or involuntary separation…but they all play into whether I take the risk of going for the job or not.

One of my questions is whether I’ve stepped on too many toes the last few years–I’ve been pretty vocal in raising some of my concerns. I haven’t always done it in the best way, although I’m trying to make changes there.

Another factor is that I’m old enough to retire from this place. I haven’t been here long enough to qualify for the early retirement package–but I could retire…and continue to keep my health insurance. And that’s an important factor…

But if my position is eliminated, then the insurance is gone as well.

There’s a lot in that possible position that I like. But there are also aspects of it that I think probably would drive me nuts. f I don’t apply, will I always regret it? One positive thing is that the decision about the job should be made before I would have to make a decision about retiring… But in a lot of ways, I don’t want to retire, either. I mostly enjoy what I’m doing…enjoy the relationship I have with many of my colleagues…

So here I am, balanced on the risk seesaw–one side could make it incredibly great…the other create significant problems. Which way? I don’t know yet…but I have a week to try to figure it out…